Holiday Blues

Dear Holiday Traffic,

You suck.

I used to love being centrally located between the two malls. It was convenient for my shopping urges. But you have taken that joy away. Not only are you annoying, but everyone is so rude! I love Christmas time - it's Christmas season drivers that I can't stand. Please at least glance in your mirrors before you swerve your giant truck or SUV into my lane. I drive a small car. It's delicate. I would appreciate the smallest amount of consideration for your fellow holiday road-travelers.

Oh - and talking on your cell phone while attempting to discipline your bratty ass kids doing the tango in the back seat and balancing a 4,000 calorie, 32 oz fancy coffee drink that cost you $10 probably doesn't help.

That is all.

Need Attention?

Dear Linda Hogan,

Really? Your new boyfriend is 19. You left Hulk Hogan, however silly he may be, for a NINETEEN-YEAR-OLD. You are 49. What can you possibly have in common with this boy? I'm 24, and wouldn't consider dating someone his age. He looks like your son. Creepy? Yes. Disturbing? Check. Has it occurred to you that maybe it's not love - maybe it's just his hormones are a-ragin'. Do you wake up an hour before him to go put your make up on so he's not scared when he rolls over in the morning?

I mean, come on. You are ridiculous.